The Daft Doctor
by labyrinthofsuffering11
Summary: AU, in which the Doctor is the Baudelaire's new guardian! A bit of Amy/Rory and set in Season 7. Will the Doctor keep the children safe, or will their unfortunate events catch up to everyone around them?
1. Chapter 1

AN: This idea came to my in my head when I was thinking about A Series of Unfortunate Events the other day. The Baudelaires don't really deserve to be as miserable as they are, and I think the Doctor would get along quite well with children. Plus, I love the idea of him being connected to V.F.D. and he could possibly be the D in Lemony Snicket's Autobiography ;D The inspiration for this chapter is: When I'm on the edge of insanity, I'd hope you'd come to save me.

Chapter 1- The Mad Meeting

The Baudelaires were once again in the office of Mr. Poe at Mulctuary Money Management after another unfortunate event at 667 Dark Avenue, a phrase which here means "their previous guardians had turned out to be the girlfriend of Count Olaf who helped kidnap the Quagmire triplets or abandoned them from fear".

Mr. Poe sighed and coughed into his handkerchief. "You know, children, one more incident like this, and we'll be forced to find you a village to raise you."

"We know, Mr. Poe. We're sorry," Violet, the eldest Baudelaire, said, although she wasn't very sorry at all. The problems with adults was they never wanted to hear the full story, which meant the banker thought the children had been the cause of every unfortunate event that happened to them.

"You said one more incident," Klaus pointed out. "Who is taking us this time?"

"He is a friend of your parents, your godfather," Mr. Poe explained, pausing to cough into his handkerchief. "The reason he wasn't the first to take you is he travels a lot, but he assures me he loves children."

The Baudelaires looked at each other, wondering how many more secrets of their parents they were going to have questions about before they were adults themselves.

"Whavwe sehim bef?" Sunny asked. Which here means, "Why haven't we seen him before?"

Violet quickly translated to the banker to which he frowned.

"I told you, he travels a lot."

The children were even more confused now than ever before. Saying one travels a lot and cannot stop to visit or even send a postcard, is like saying a teacher can assign homework but never collects it.

"When are we meeting him?" Klaus questioned.

"Oh, he'll be here any minute now," Mr. Poe assured the children, and they waited impatiently.

They didn't have to wait much longer however before a floppy haired young man popped his head over the desk, causing Mr. Poe to go into a coughing fit.

The man patted him on the back heavily, yelling, "I'm sorry, Mr. Poe! You really must do something about that cough, though!"

The children looked at each other, this time in disbelief. This man was meant to be their godfather? He did not look a day over 25, which meant he would only have been 13 when Violet was born. His clothes were another matter entirely. The man wore a light blue dress shirt with a red bow tie and red suspenders with a tweed jacket. His pants were black and ended three inches above his ankles, and he wore black Oxfords on his feet.

It was clear Mr. Poe was appraising the man as well, and not in a postive way.

"Hello!" he exclaimed. "I'm the Doctor!" he shook 's hand vigorously and walked over to the children, gathering them in a hug, surprising them just a bit.

When the man pulled away, the children looked at Mr. Poe for confirmation that this man was in fact their new guardian, and not some raving lunatic.

"I'm Violet, that's Klaus, and our baby sister is Sunny, and we're the Baudelaires," Violet introduced.

"You're a doctor?" Klaus asked him.

"Not _a _doctor, _the_ Doctor," he corrected.

"Whad me?" Sunny asked.

"My sister means 'What does that mean, sir?'" Violet clarified.

"I know what she means," the Doctor told her solemnly. "I speak baby."

"You speak _what_?" Mr. Poe asked incredulously.

"Nothing!" the Doctor yelled, and winked at the children before turning towards the banker. "Now then, we must be off! Thank you, Mr. Poe. I promise to keep the children safe." He walked over and took Sunny in his arms and called to Violet and Klaus, "Come along, Baudelaires!"

_Should they come along?_ The Baudelaires looked at each other and then they looked at this man, called the Doctor. The man was a little eccentric, but how could that be any worse than Count Olaf's villainy? So they "came along", a phrase which here means followed the Doctor and waved goodbye to Mr. Poe.

"Remember children, should you need me, you can always contact me at the bank!" he called to their retreating forms.

The Doctor led them out into the street and over to a few trees shading the path. A blue police telephone box stood at the corner, and to their surprise that's where the man headed.

"Did you notice a crime, sir?" Klaus asked, and the Doctor spun around.

"No, I did not, and please, don't call me sir. I'm the Doctor, dad, or even John Smith, but never call me sweetie."

The Baudelaires blinked confusedly. The Doctor smiled widely at them and continued on towards the police box.

"What are we going in there for?" Violet asked.

The Doctor sighed. "Do you always ask so many questions?"

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"All will be explained once we get there," he said.

The Baudelaires were perplexed, a phrase which here means they wondered how crowding into a police box was going to explain anything at all.

The group reached the police box and the Doctor took a silver key from around his neck, stroking the box fondly before unlocking it.

"Let's go in, then," he said, and the children wondered how they would all fit.

The Doctor disappeared with Sunny and Klaus and Violet still stood on the street, contemplating whether to enter or not.

"Isbi onthe iside!" Sunny shrieked and the remaining two Baudelaires bolted into the box, closing the door behind them. To those not fluent in baby, Sunny Baudelaire had called out "It's bigger on the inside!" and the Baudelaires were shocked to find it was true.

"Yes, it is, Sunny," the Doctor cooed.

"That's impossible," Klaus breathed, walking around in utter disbelief. Out of all the science fiction books the middle Baudelaire had read, he had never read anything on a box that was bigger on the inside than it was on the outside.

Violet, the inventor, was more concerned with the various instruments. "Wow," she whispered, reaching out to touch a curious looking button.

"Don't touch!" the Doctor exclaimed, and she jumped in fright.

"I'm sorry," he amended. "It's just that button is the dematerializer, and who knows where we would end up if you pushed that. If you want, I'll teach you to fly her sometime." He patted the console fondly.

"Her?" Klaus asked.

"The TARDIS," the Doctor said. "Time and Relative Dimension in Space. And yes, it's a her. She's my ship," he told them proudly.

Violet looked at him curiously. "Did you build it?"

"No, I stole her," he said absentmindedly, fiddling with a lever, Sunny still in his arm.

Violet and Klaus looked at each other frightfully, a phrase which here means, concerned over whether their new guardian was a villain like Count Olaf.

"It's a long story," he said looking at them. "Besides, I want to hear about you three. So, get a shake on it."

The Baudelaires looked at each other, for what seemed like the millionth time since they met this strange new guardian, wondering if they should trust this man. They decided there could be worse people in this world than a daft man, and they "got a shake on it" which means they started their horrible tale.

Violet recounted the terrible day at Briny Beach when Mr. Poe told them their parents had perished in a fire and made them orphans. She told him about having to live with and his wife and horrible children and wear itchy sweaters, which they regrettably still had for very cold nights. She told him about going into the care of Count Olaf, a terrible and smelly villain who thought he could act, and having to share one room with one very small bed and only some drapes for blankets. She told him about the long list of chores they had to do every day and the filthy house that they had to scrub. She tells him about the terrible theater troupe which were really his henchmen, and describes the hook handed man, the two powder faced women, the bald man with a long nose, and the one who was either a man or a woman. She tells him about having to cook Puttanesca and Olaf abusing Klaus and grabbing Sunny. She recounts the Marvelous Marriage and the almost attempt to grab their fortune by forcing Violet to marry him and chaining Sunny in a cage suspended above the ground. She tells him about Klaus' quick thinking and research which saved them.

Klaus tells him about Lousy Lane which smelled strongly of horseradish, and Uncle Monty with his kind disposition. He tells him about the delicious coconut cream cake he could make, and gave each of them their own room. He tells them about the trip to Peru Uncle Monty had planned once Gustav's replacement Stefano arrived to study snakes and other reptiles because he was a herpetologist. He tells him all about the Reptile Room and the various reptiles he discovered. He tells them their horror when Stefano turned out to be a very terribly disguised Count Olaf. He tells him about trying to tell Uncle Monty about Stefano, but getting foiled with threatened violence. He tells them Uncle Monty finally believed them but thought he was a Herpetological Society imposter trying to steal The Incredibly Deadly Viper. He tells him about Count Olaf threatening them and they blurted out that Uncle Monty ripped up his ticket and he won't be joining them in Peru. He tells him about waking up to find Uncle Monty dead, with a supposed snake attack being the cause. He tells them Count Olaf still forced them into the car to take them to Peru, only to crash the car into Mr. Poe. He tells him about the plan to get evidenve and Sunny pretending to get bitten by The Incredibly Deadly Viper. He tells him that they revealed the evidence they found in Stefano's room, but Count Olaf escaped again.

Sunny tells him about Lake Lachrymose, and the crazy Aunt Josephine. She tells him about all the fears the woman had including the radiator, which could set a fire to her home, the fridge, which could fall and crush her to death, and the doorknob which could splinter and cut her eyes open. She tells him about Aunt Josephine's love of grammar and the library filled only with grammar books and the wide window overlooking the lake. She tells him about Hurricane Herman and going to buy supplies and meeting Captain Sham, another one of Count Olaf's awful disguises. She tells him about waking up to discover a broken window and a suicide note left by their aunt, stating Captain Sham their new guardian. She tells him about buying time by eating peppermints, which they are extremely allergic to, and Klaus discovering the grammatical errors in Aunt Josephine's note leading to her hiding location. She tells him about getting a boat and rowing in the hurricane. She tells him about finding Aunt Josephine who wants the children to stay in hiding with her for the rest of their lives, until she finds out about the realtors. She tells them about the leeches attacking because Aunt Josephine eating a banana. She tells him about Violet inventing a signal, but they only attract Count Olaf, who takes them all and throws Aunt Josephine overboard with the leeches. She tells him about going back to the dock and biting off the wooden leg, exposing Count Olaf once more, but he escaped.

Violet tells him about the mill in Paltryville, and being forced to work with no food but a stick of gum. She tells him about Sir, who has a cloud of smoke over his face that's so thick no one's ever seen it, and Charles, his nice partner, who shows them the pitiful library of three books. She tells him about Klaus being tripped by one of Olaf's henchmen in disguise and he gets sent to see Doctor Orwell. She tells him that he acted strangely and he is forced to operate a stamping machine, dropping it on Phil. She tells him about Klaus snapping out of the trance, only to have his glasses broke again. She tells him about going with Klaus and they see Dr. Orwell. She tells him about Count Olaf disguised as Shirley, the receptionist, and discovering Klaus is being hypnotized. She tells him about reading the book about Optometry and discovering the hypnotize word. She tells him about Charles being strapped to a log that Klaus is pushing under a buzz saw he's controlling and Dr. Orwell dueling with Sunny, only to fall into the machine and die. She tells him about Klaus releasing Charles. She tells them about Count Olaf being locked in the library, but escaping and Sir abandoning them to Mr. Poe again.

Klaus tells him about Prufrock Preparatory School, where they meet Carmelita Spats who calls them "cakesniffers" and read the motto saying "Remember you will die". He tells him about Vice Principal Nero and the advanced computer, which was really just a picture on the screen of Count Olaf. He tells him about the mandatory violin recitals and the Orphan Shack. He tells him about the strange rules from having to buy Nero a bag of candy, to having to eat with their hands tied behind their backs. He tells him about the crabs and the dripping fungus and the horrible green with pink hearts wallpaper of the Orphan Shack, which they created noisy shoes and sprinkled salt on, respectively. He tells them about the Quagmire triplets whom they befriended and were also victims of a terrible fire that consumed their home, their parents, and their other triplet brother, Quigley. He tells them about their commonplace books filled with couplets and observations. He tells him about Mrs. Bass and Mr. Remora and Coach Genghis, who is really Count Olaf. He tells him about Sunny being forced to be Nero's administrative assistant because there weren't any classes for her. He tells him about S.O.R.E. and failing classes and work from being exhausted. He tells him about the comprehensive exams they studied for all night. He tells them about the Quagmire triplets plan to let them study all night. He tells him about unmasking Count Olaf, but he escapes, kidnapping the Quagmires. He tells him about V.F.D. and the notebooks which get snatched by Olaf before he drove away.

Sunny tells him about their most recent unfortunate event at 667 Dark Avenue, a penthouse that had the children climbing up all the flights of stairs because the elevator was out of order. She tells him about Jerome Squalor who offers them aqueous martinis and introduces them to Esme, the city's sixth most important financial advisor, who's only concerned about what's in and what's out, and informs them the only reason they were taken was orphans are "in". She tells him about Gunther, Count Olaf in disguise, working with Esme as Auctioneer. She tells him about the horrible Cafe Salmonella. She tells him about learning one of the elevators was fake, and Violet inventing ropes to climb down with. She tells him about finding the Quagmire triplets, but when they climbed back down with tools to free them, they were gone. She tells them about telling Esme the truth about Gunther, and she tells them she knew, and she's Count Olaf's girlfriend. She tells him about Esme smirking triumphantly and pushing them down the elevator shaft, only for them to land in a net. She tells him about climbing up with her teeth and grabbing the top then climbing down and biting a hole in the net to crawl through. She tells him about Violet's welding torches they used as lights to explore the tunnel they found at the bottom. She tells him about the trap door that lead to the charred Baudelaire mansion. She tells him about the auction and telling Mr. Poe and Jerome to bid on a lot #50 called V.F.D, as they are sure the Quagmires are hidden in there. She tells him it was only very fancy doilies, but that Gunther slipped on one of them and was revealed as Count Olaf. She tells him that Count Olaf and Esme escape, smuggling the Quagmires in a statue of a red herring.

The Doctor for his part, was very quiet for the Baudelaires story. He only frowned or looked particularly angry at mentions of abuse towards the children, or laughed at Aunt Josephine's crazy fears.

"Well, Baudelaires, it seems we have our work cut out for us, doesn't it?" he asked, smiling widely.

The children nodded, but then frowned.

"I'm sure Count Olaf will still come to find us, Doctor," Violet said, speaking aloud the fear the children did not want to say.

"Oh, no, he won't. You have the Oncoming Storm to protect you!" the man waved them off.

"The what?" Klaus asked.

"Ah, nevermind. My point is I've met people far more villainous than Count Olaf, and have always come out on top."

The children shivered at the thought of people more villainous than Count Olaf.

"Now, the more pressing question at this moment is: would you like to meet my two dearest friends?" the Doctor asked.

The Baudelaires looked amusedly at him. "How?"

**"****Oh, just you wait, Baudelaires!" he exclaimed, pulling some levers and pressing some buttons, and before they knew it, the Baudelaires felt a whooshing underneath them, and they had to hold onto the console for dear life. **


	2. Chapter 2

AN: That last chapter was really long, huh? It's just how I picture if the Doctor met the Baudelaires. You may have pictured something differently. In the Doctor's timeline this is between A Town Called Mercy and The Power of Three, and the two friends he is referring to are obviously the Ponds. The story will encompass a bit of The Power of Three events, as well as The Angels Take Manhattan, and will end after the Snowmen. Also, Sunny is going to cook in this even though I know she doesn't discover her cooking talents until the ninth book. I just want her to have something more to do in the Ponds house. The inspiration for this chapter is: You see...it's not the big things we remember in the end. It's the little things that matter the most.

Chapter 2- The Pleasant Ponds

The Baudelaires clung to the console and each other as the impossible box rocketed through time and space until at last it landed with a shudder and a wheezing of it's engines.

"Is it supposed to do that?" Violet asked, tying her hair up in a ribbon, presumably to think of a way to fix the ship.

"I like it when it does that," the Doctor protested defensively. "My friend, well, wife I suppose, River, she once flew it with no sounds at all, but that's no fun."

Klaus arched an eyebrow at the man, but said nothing.

"Diwev mo?" Sunny asked.

"Yes, Sunny, we moved a couple thousand miles to my friend's house in Leadworth!" the Doctor explained.

"How can we have moved?" Klaus asked. "Boxes don't have wheels!"

"The TARDIS can move fly. Don't believe me, look outside. Now, come along Baudelaires!" he called to them once more, scooping Sunny up once more and Violet and Klaus sighed, following after them.

"At least he seems to like us," Violet shrugged.

"What if he's only pretending like Esme?" Klaus whispered to her.

"I can hear you, you know!" the Doctor proclaimed. "I have very excellent hearing. And I would like it if you discussed things aloud, for one. For two, never compare me to that vile woman. For three, I think you are rather excellent and intelligent children. Don't worry!"

With that, the man hurried over to a blue plain looking house.

The children had almost expected a rather weird house, seeming as the Doctor himself was eccentric, but they supposed he must just have normal friends.

The Doctor rapped on the door a few times when they were all standing around him on the doorstep, and a redheaded woman opened the door.

"Well, this is a surprise," she said with a Scottish accent. "When ya said ya would visit us before, I assumed ya'd be alone." She quickly shook her head and smiled at the three children surrounding the Doctor.

"Hello! I'm-"

"Amelia Jessica Pond!" he introduced to the children before the woman could get a word out.

"Just Amy, if ya don't mind," she told the children.

The Baudelaires instantly liked the fiery haired woman. Violet grinned and said, "My name is Violet, my brother is Klaus, and the baby the Doctor is holding is Sunny. We're the Baudelaires, the Doctor's godchildren."

Amy's eyebrows rose in surprise when she mentioned godchildren, and she looked at the man as if asking him a silent question. "It's nice to meet ya," she said to the children. "D'ya mind if I hold Sunny?"

Violet shook her head. "No, go ahead."

Amy held her arms out to Sunny in the Doctor's hands, and he let her go over to Amy. The Doctor threw his arms around Amy and Sunny, surprising Sunny, but not Amy. The redhead looked nonchalant, a phrase which here means she must have been used to the man hugging her all the time.

"Nice to see ya too, Doctor," she beamed at him, and he answered her with a wide grin of her own.

"How's Rory?" he asked her, stepping into the hallway.

Amy shifted Sunny to her hip, and motioned for the children to follow her inside as she shut the door. "He's fine, he's at work right now, but he should be home tonight in time for dinner."

"Oh, good! It'll be like a-what'dya call 'em?" he asked, looking to Amy for clarification.

"A family dinner?" she suggested.

"Yes, that!" the Doctor pointed at her in agreement.

"Would ya three like some cookies and lemonade?" she asked. "I made them just yesterday."

Violet and Klaus looked at each other and smiled. "That would be lovely, thank you," Klaus said.

"But could you get Sunny a carrot?" Violet asked Amy. "She likes to bite hard things."

"Of course," Amy smiled warmly. She turned to the Doctor. "What about you now? Would ya like some cookies and lemonade?"

"Actually, do you have some Jammie Dodgers and tea?" he asked, examining a picture frame to the left of them.

"Ya know I do," she told him. "I only keep them for when ya come here." She winked at the children and they followed her into the kitchen.

"So, how long have you known the Doctor?" Violet asked Amy.

The redheaded woman set Sunny down on the counter and pulled some glasses and plates out of the cabinets. "Uh, I dunno. In reality, seventeen, but technically three?" She pulled the fridge door open to grab the carrot and lemonade. She poured the lemonade. She grabbed some cookies from the jar on the counter and took them over to the children. She picked Sunny up and went to sit with her in her lap.

"Technically three?" Klaus questioned.

Amy bit into a cookie. "I was a child when I met him, and I was supposedta go with him and travel, but the TARDIS overshot it and he

returned twelve year afterwards. He got rid of the alien prisoner in my house, and promised to come back soon, but didn't come back until two years after that. Then my husband and I travelled with him for three years until he dropped us off about six months ago."

"I'm sorry...I don't understand," Violet shook her head. "Alien prisoners? Returning years after promising to come back soon?"

Amy smiled sympathetically. "First trip in the TARDIS, eh?"

"Yes," Klaus told her.

"You'll see a lot of weird things travelling with the Doctor," she told them, "ya know, considering it travels in space and time."

The Baudelaires spit out their lemonade. "What?"

The red head put her hand over her mouth. "I guess he didn't tell ya that yet. Oops."

"You mean, I could go back to see Herman Melville?" Klaus asked.

"And I could go see Thomas Edison?" Violet asked.

"Yes and yes," Amy acknowledged. "Now, I'm really sorry I don't have much to entertain ya while I'm writing, but there's a Wii if ya want, in the living room."

"A what?" Klaus asked, confused.

The Doctor popped his head into the kitchen at that moment. "You have a Wii! I want to play!"

Amy sighed. "Go ahead, Doctor. Don't you want your Jammie Dodgers?"

"Nah, I'll eat them later. A Wii! This is exciting!" and he dashed out again.

"A Wii is a video game console," she explained to the Baudelaires.

"Oh. Well, that's very nice, ma'am, but we much prefer other things," Violet said. "I like to invent things, Klaus likes to read, and Sunny just recently discovered her love of cooking."

The red haired woman thought for a moment. "I have just the thing for all of you. Follow me."

The Baudelaires followed her into the hallway past the Doctor yelling at the TV. "That's rubbish!" Amy rolled her eyes and stopped at a doorway not far off. She opened it to reveal a small office of sorts with a few bookcases from floor to ceiling against the far wall and some comfortable chairs.

"It's not the best library," she admitted to Klaus. "But there's quite a few books in there."

"Thank you," he said to Amy earnestly. He immediately walked over to the shelf and started scanning the titles. Amy smiled and quietly closed the door.

They continued their walk down the hallway until they reached a door to the right. She opened it to reveal a medium sized garage.

"You can open the garage door if ya want," she told Violet. "This is usually where Rory's dad works when he comes to visit, and all of his tools and supplies are in here. I know he won't mind as long as everything's back where it was."

"It's lovely," Violet assured, walking in with awe on her face.

Amy took Sunny with her back to the kitchen. "As for you, little one, I'm sure we can find plenty of hard things to bite until I finish writing, and then ya can help me with dinner."

"Thwa belo!" Sunny shrieked.

"That sounded positive, so I'm assuming it was a yes," she smiled at the baby.

…

"Hello?" a male voice called when he got out of his car. "What are you doing here?" he asked Violet.

Now, Violet Baudelaire had gotten asked this question many times from many different people, and she usually knew how to answer straightforwardly, but this time she was stumped.

"We came with the Doctor?" she offered, hoping this would offer some type of explanation.

"We?" he questioned, moving further into the light, keys in his hand and scrubs on.

"My siblings and I," she informed him.

"And you are...human, right? I don't mean to insult you, it's just you never know with him," The man stumbled on the last part of the sentence.

"Yes, human," she agreed.

"Okay. I'm Rory," the man replied, holding out his hand to shake hers. He had light brown hair and blue eyes, and his face looked kind just like Amy's had. "I'm assuming you met my wife Amy?" he asked.

"Oh, yes. I'm Violet Baudelaire, by the way. She was the one that brought me out here, because I like to invent, sir," she explained.

He grimaced at Violet Baudelaire calling him sir. "Call me Rory, please." He smiled and held out his arm for her. "Let's go inside to see the others, yeah?"

Violet agreed and placed the tools back in their appropriate spots. "I noticed you have a jar of popcorn kernels, but no popcorn maker, so I made a makeshift one for you." She picked up the small device she had been working on and Rory looked at it closely in his hands.

"Fascinating," Rory approved. "How'd you do that?"

"Well, I started with a soda can and a piece of rubber that I poked some holes in. I cut a trapezoid shape into the can, leaving the top of the shape still attached to it. Then I popped the shape out, creating a spout like opening. All you have to do is add a teaspoon of canola oil and 3 tsps of popcorn kernels, flip the tab around, and place it on the stove. Turn it on, and you have popcorn," Violet explained.

"Wow! Very cool," Rory told her, and Violet beamed.

"Thanks." The two of them walked into the house chatting about the popcorn machine until they reached the library.

"My brother's in here," she told Rory, and opened the door.

Klaus Baudelaire was reading quietly on the chair when Violet knocked on the doorframe.

"This is Rory, Amy's husband," she introduced when he looked up. Klaus closed the book and placed it on the small table beside him. He walked over to the two of them and stuck out his hand to shake Rory's.

"I'm Klaus Baudelaire," he said. "We're the Doctor's godchildren."

Rory looked at the pair of them. "Godchildren?"

"If it helps, we only learnt about it today as well," Klaus told him.

The man nodded. "Okay then. Let's go into the kitchen, shall we? I think I smell something good!" He smiled warmly at the eldest two Baudelaires and they jumped for joy in their heads, a phrase which here means, got excited at the possibility of a tasty dinner with lovely people. Good company is hard to come by, but when you do, it is always best to enjoy it.

So, the Rory into the Ponds kitchen. "Take that tennis lady!" the Doctor called from the living room as they passed, to which Rory just rolled his eyes.

"I'm home, Mrs. Williams," Rory said sweetly to Amy, going around to kiss her on the cheek. He noticed Sunny in her arms. "And who's this?" he asked, smiling at the baby.

"This is Sunny, our sister, sir," Klaus said.

"It's Rory, please, Klaus."

"Just ya wait for dinner, tonight Mr. Pond," she said. "Sunny here helped me cook your favorite: roast beef with onion gravy."

"Did she now?" he asked, scooping her away from Amy and raspberrying the baby, making her laugh hysterically. "I think you're my favorite Baudelaire now."

Violet and Klaus smiled.

"Why don't ya two go wash up and grab the Doctor, eh? Dinner's almost ready," Amy informed them, and the Baudelaires walked off to do just that.

…

The Baudelaires were stuffed, a phrase which here means extremely full and happy after a dinner of roast beef with coconut cream cake for dessert. They yawned and found they were actually quite ready for bed already after the events of today.

"I have an idea!" Amy announced to the children. "D'ya want me to tell ya a story?"

The three children nodded, and Amy gathered them together and marched them up the stairs to the guest bedroom. "Unfortunately, we only have one guest bedroom, so ya have to sleep together, but it's just for tonight." She shrugged in apology.

"It's alright," Violet assured her. "We've had worse."

Amy smiled sadly at the children and opened a door to the left of them. "This is it," she announced.

The children smiled at the cozy room, with the bed already turned down, and the pillows fluffed and ready to be laid upon. "It's very nice," Klaus said.

"Oh, thank ya for thinking so," Amy said, pulling the blanket back for the children to scramble into bed. They quickly complied and she tucked them in very snugly. "D'ya have any specific suggestions?" she asked.

The children thought very hard. Finally Violet spoke up. "Could you tell us about your first adventure?"

Amy's eyes took on a glassy look. "Ah, yes. That's a good one. Alright. The Doctor had just taken me from my bedroom and I was twenty-one. We went a few centuries into the future and landed on the _Starship UK_. We immediately saw a crying girl, and we walked after her. We were angry because none of the adults seemed to be helping her at all. The Doctor mumbled something about non-normal engines and instructed me to follow after Mandy. I finally track her down and I ask her about the ship and she said, 'I lost my friend to the beast below because he wouldn't follow the rules. He made the smilers angry.' I asked her about them, but she refused to tell me. We reached a tent, and so I decided to investigate, figuring it was just the thing the Doctor would do, and she tried to get me to stay out, but I assured her I'd be fine. Well, there was some kind of tentacle thing inside, and I backed away back into the ship, only to be taken by Winders to the voting booths. An automated video played explaining about _Starship UK _and the truth about the entire thing. When it ended, I could choose between forgetting and protesting. I pressed the forget button, but I recorded a message to myself to get the Doctor off the ship. The Doctor and Mandy arrived and Mandy explained that the voting takes place every five years and everyone chooses to "forget". The Doctor, however, pressed the "protest" button, sending us plummeting below the ship. Finding ourselves in the mouth of a giant creature, the Doctor used his sonic screwdriver to make the creature throw us up and Liz 10's helped us evade the Smilers waiting for us when we escaped. Liz 10 revealed herself to be Queen Elizabeth the Tenth and the Doctor begins to question her age, which she believes is around 50, although her body clock was slowed to retain its youthful appearance. The Winders arrive and take Liz 10, the Doctor, Mandy, and I to the Tower of London, where it is revealed that all of _Starship UK_ rides on a giant Star Whale that provides the ship's motion. The Star Whale, believed to be the last of its kind, arrived at Earth at the time of the solar flares; it was captured and the ship was constructed around it. However, in order to direct the whale, the pain center of its brain has been exposed to receive frequent jolts of electricity. The Winders show Liz 10 that she ordered this, centuries ago, but every ten years she finds her way to the Tower and chooses to have her memory wiped to prevent herself from remembering. She implemented the voting programme to do the same to the population, out of fear that remembering the truth would lead to the populace demanding the whale be freed, destroying the ship and killing everyone aboard. The Doctor was furious, realising to his despair that he has to choose between saving the humans or the Star Whale, and angrily yells at me for choosing to forget about the whale so he wouldn't have to face the choice, telling me he is taking me home after we are finished there. Liz 10 says there has to be another way, but The Doctor slammed his fist on the control pad and angrily told us not to talk to him, because nobody human has anything to say to him. He then decided to alter the controlling device programming to render the Star Whale brain-dead, allowing it to continue through space but no longer feeling the pain. As the Doctor worked, I saw Mandy found her friend alive, because the whale refused to eat children. I considered all I had seen and heard, took control, and used Liz 10's hand to strike the "abdicate" button that disabled the controlling device. To everyone's surprise, this served to make the whale move faster and does not kill the ship's inhabitants. I explained to the Doctor that I saw the similarities between him and the Star Whale, which came willingly to Earth to save the children at the time of crisis, and we reconciled."

"That was a good story," Violet said.

"Sefav bered hood," Sunny mumbled sleepily.

Klaus explained that the infant meant it was her second favorite besides Red Riding Hood.

"I'm glad," Amy smiled. I'll go fetch the Doctor and Rory to say goodnight." She kissed the tops of the children's heads and walked out of the room.

…

"So, you have godchildren?" Amy heard Rory say to the Doctor.

"It's a long story," the Doctor said. "They're my responsibility now, because I knew their parents."

Amy cleared her throat as she entered the room. "The Baudelaires are going to sleep."

Rory and the Doctor sighed collectively and followed Amy up the stairs. "That's my boys," she said affectionately.

Rory went in first saying goodnight, and promising they would do something together in the morning.

The Doctor went in last, shooing the Ponds off to bed. "You deserve some sleep," he told them.

He looked at the Baudelaires and air kissed their cheeks one by one, astounding the children, before he ruffled their hair.

"I'm rather out of practice at being a father," he whispered to them sheepishly, and they giggled in spite of themselves.

"Please, Doctor, how did you know our parents?" Klaus asked.

"Ah, that's a rather long story, my dears. That's a story for another day, but I promise I'll tell you."

**The satisfied and sleepy Baudelaires snuggled down into the covers and the Doctor smiled at them. He waved and turned off the light, shutting the door until a sliver of light shone through the door, and the Baudelaires had the best night of sleep they had in a while.**


End file.
